I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
