I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
