I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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