Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
