It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
