awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
