i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
