Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
