I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
