8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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