it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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