I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize