i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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