i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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