So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
