My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
