She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
