I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
