for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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