We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
