I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
