absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
