i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
