I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
