So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
