my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
