This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
