You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
