How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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