Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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