You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
