if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
