somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
