so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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