Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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