My liver just broke up with me...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize