3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
