you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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