Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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