What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
