Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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