I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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