I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
