he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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