and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize