Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
