That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
