So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
