i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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