Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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