Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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