I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk is not a location!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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