you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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