sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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