stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
