NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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