Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
