Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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