maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
