there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
