i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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