i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
