As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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