Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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