I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize