Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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