AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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