I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
