watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
