I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
