My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
