So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize