Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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