Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
