I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
