Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize