just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
