The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
