brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Boobs speak an international language.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
