bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
