dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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