I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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