chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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