there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
