I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
