when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
