my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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