I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she looked like the before picture.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
