All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Buhtt sex?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize