Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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