woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
