did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
