worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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