He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize