You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize