P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
