Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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