apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
