Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
