I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
